


Everyone Deserves a Do-Over

by Pastel_Persephone



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: 2nd chances, Character Death, Coffee, George Washington is a Dad, I'll add some more later, John is a Saint, LOVE HIM, Laf is an angel, Lams - Freeform, Love, M/M, References to Depression, Reincarnation AU, Soulmate AU, alex needs love, but only for second, coffee shop AU, help please, henry laurens sucks, im basically trash, please take this away from me, someone explain this to me, this is really gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:12:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Persephone/pseuds/Pastel_Persephone
Summary: Alexander Hamilton and his soulmate John Laurens had the unfortunate luck of being born in an era where even with them being soulmates, they would have gotten them arrested if they wanted to be together. After John died, Alex lost a part of himself. He was doomed to a half-life without his other half. Even the great Eliza couldn't fill the gap that was left in his heart.But the gods have blessed them with a second chance, a do-over, to be together once again. Will they be able to get it right this time? They'll need a little push from their local barista, but there is a chance.And maybe said barista can help solve more than that, just give her a chance.~This story is told with flashbacks, it's pretty self-explanatory





	1. Alex's Dream-My Beloved John

“Alex,” says a voice as familiar to him as his own, it was caressing him out of sleep, “Alex.” Someone is in bed with him, Alex doesn’t remember going to bed with anyone, it strikes him that he must be dreaming.

“A few moments more John, please.” John? Alex is sure he knows no John. John must be his soulmate. He feels a blissful sort of peace with his soulmate here in his arms. Alex is never one for sleeping in but this feels like a good enough reason to change that.

“I could stay like this forever, you know that; however, the General needs us. And the people who will come looking for us will not be as accepting as our friends,” John insists lovingly. Alex opens his eyes slowly, John is right.

“I hate it when you’re right.” Alex moves slowly, allowing John to sit up as well. John smiles, and Alex swoons. His soulmate is the most beautiful being that has ever graced this harsh, cold world. This is who he is meant to be with, he is positive. Alexander leans over and kisses the other man, it is quick. But what is more natural than kissing your soulmate? It sends tingles up and down Alex’s body.

“Alexander Hamilton,” John shrieks, his face a bright red.

“What John Laurens?” Alex fains innocently. Laurens? Was that his last name Laurens?

“You can’t do that! What if people see?”

“Let them see. You are my soulmate.”

John’s eyes melt, “I love that you feel that way. You have no idea how happy that makes me, but this,” he motions to the two of them, in the same bed, “is illegal. Soulmate or not, Alex. You know that.”

“If God, if there is one, did not want us to be together, he would not have made us soulmates. He would not have brought together in the first place. John, if we are not meant to be together, kissing you would not feel so right.”

The slight blush John was wearing grew exponentially, his freckles are drowned in a sea of red, “Stop, Alex, please. It hurts so much.”

“I love you. And if that is wrong, I apologize, but I have no control over it. I cannot stop it just because it is illegal. I love you, and that not going to change.”

“Why Alex? Please Alexander tell me why,” John sobs, “How is it possible to love someone this much? Why is it possible to find your other half and not be able to be with him? Alexander, I-I just want to be with you. Why can’t I be with you? Being with you is so natural, why can’t everyone see that and let us be happy?

John is crying, full on sobbing, and Alex is at a loss. He wraps his arms around the trembling man, “The fates are cruel,” he whispers. So cruel, why would they give them each other if they can’t be together? It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You were supposed to find your soulmate and live happily ever after. That’s it. Why did the fates hate them so?

Through his tears, John laughs, “Alex, can I ask you something?” His hands grip onto his soulmate like his life depended on it.

Alex brushes his hands through John’s curls, “Anything for you, my dearest.”

“Do you-Do you think there will ever be the world where we can be together? Where it won’t matter that we are both men? Where I can hold you without being afraid?”

A smile plays gently on Alexander’s lips, “One day, I’m sure, and even if it takes 1000 lifetimes, you, my dear Laurens, will be worth it.”

John buries himself deeper into his soulmate, “I’m so sorry, Alexander.”

“For what?” John is perfect, Alexander is sure of that. There is nothing he could ever be sorry for.

“If I was a woman…” He is cut off by Alex’s lip pressing gently on his. John looks up at Alex, confusion evident in his eyes. His eyes are beautiful.

“I love you, all of you. You are not allowed to hate yourself, any part of you. You are forbidden from wishing to be different. You are perfect, John. And one day, I’ll prove it to you.” The way John is looking at him makes Alex feels like he painted the heavens. Alex is in love with that look, he is in love with John Laurens.

“I love you, too.”

Alex just holds John, refusing to let go. If he lets go, he’ll lose John again. Again? John is going to die at the end of this war. Alex will have to live without his soulmate. This is just a sweet dream to torment him with the fact that he has yet to meet his soulmate.


	2. Rosa's Cafe, a home away from home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alexander Hamilton is running out of cafes. He might have found the last coffee shop in the city that will take him. Did he mention that the barista is a literal angel?

“Honestly, isn’t there a decent coffee shop in this city that doesn’t have a line out the door?,” Alexander huffs as he walks down a busy street, his breath visible in the cold winter air. The sun is going down and he really needs coffee, he pulled all-nighters 3 out of the last 4 nights. He isn't going to last long with his current caffeine levels, but sleep isn't an option. Dreams about his soulmate torment him, and Ham is not one for self-inflicted torture.

He begins to lose all hope when he sees it, a little cafe with a red red rose painted on the front window. It is a small place, but cute. The best part is that it is empty. “Let’s hope the coffee is decent.”

When he enters the shop, he is greeted by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. A girl is unceremoniously kneeling against the front counter, reading through what looks like a textbook. Her brown hair is free flowing, and she doesn’t seem to have a uniform on, just an apron.

“Hello?” Alex says, trying to get her attention.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t hear you come in.” The girl stands up and puts her textbook underneath the counter. He catches a glimpse of the title, American History; Founding Fathers. She must be a student, high school student, probably.

“It's fine,” he laughs, “you don’t know how grateful I am to find this place. All the other coffee shops in town are full and I can hardly think.”

The girl cracks a smile, “We are busier during the day. High schoolers love this place before school, and it’s great for lunch. But no one comes in after 6:00. I get one or two customers an hour. Perfect time for studying. I love it.”

Alex sits down one of the couches, “What do you have to drink around here?”

“Well what do you want?” she says, as she drags her hand through her hair and ties it into a high ponytail. It seems like almost effortless motion for her.

“Coffee.” Alex is a smartass at heart, and he simply cannot help himself sometimes. It brings him great joy.

“Well, duh, thank you Captain Obvious. It isn't like this a coffee shop or anything. Why would anyone want to get coffee at a coffee shop? That is simply unheard of,” the girl smiles as she says this, humor and good-heartedness alive in her eyes.

Alex laughs, that was funny. He jokes, “You shouldn’t be rude to customers.” Why couldn't everyone he meets be like this? He probably wouldn’t get in as many arguments as he usually does if everyone just went with his humor. Other students just got offended. Alex never meant to offend anyone, he genuinely that he was funny. Usually, he isn’t, but that has never stopped him from trying.

“Customers shouldn’t act stupid,” her tone is light and humorous. Alexander is beginning to like this girl already.

“I’ll have a Vanilla Latte.” It is a test drink if she can’t make this then he has to find a new coffee shop. He really didn’t want to find a new place, he was run out of the last one. He is running out of coffee shops.

“How plain,” she remarks, before going to make the drink. Obviously, she knows she is being tested. This girl has a real attitude, but at least she speaks her mind and has opinions, unlike other people Alex knows. *cough* Burr *cough*

Alex takes his laptop out of its case, “Do you have Wifi here?” That is #3 on the list of ‘coffee shop’ requirements.

“Yep,” she says as she turns on the latte machine, Alex can see the steam, “I told Rosa she’d get more costumers with it. Turns out I was right. Profit has risen since we got it set up.”

He takes a moment and opens the settings on his computer, RosasWifi is the name of the wifi, “What’s the password?”

“Turtle1782.”

Turtles remind him of his soulmate, John. He didn’t know why but something in his mind kept reminding that ‘John likes turtles’. Sure he couldn’t find his soulmate, but he knew he liked turtles. The fates are ever so helpful that way.

“Thinking about someone important, your soulmate, perhaps?” the girls says, as she places a cup of freshly made coffee in front of him, “you were zoned put for a second there.” There is a quill drawn in the foam.

“Um,” Alex clears his throat, “yeah. I guess you can say that.” He takes the mug and brings to his mouth, breathing in the aroma.

“I put in an extra shot of espresso, you look like you needed it. It’s on the house.”

“You are a godsend, whoever you are.” He takes a drink, it is very good coffee. This might be his new favorite coffee shop, and this girl may be his new favorite person. Wifi, good coffee, and decent staff, yes this place is the best.

“Lynna, my name is Lynna,” she is behind the counter now, “I figured I will be seeing you a lot, so we should get to know each other.”

“Hamilton, Alexander Hamilton.”

“Hmm? You’re the Alexander Hamilton, the one going to law school?”

“Yeah, how did you know?” How do people always know who he is?

“You're notorious, at least in the coffee shop community. Very very picky, a bit of a coffee junky. You never stay at the same shop for very long.”

“What? I am coffee shop famous?” He looks a mix of flattered and insulted.

“Basically,” Lynna laughs, “your face is ridiculous”

“It is not! There is nothing wrong with my face.”

Lynna starts laughing harder, “You look so offended. It's hilarious,” she takes a few deep breaths, “I’m sorry, you look hungry. Want a sandwich?”

Alex looks at the girl, was it that obvious? He has been working so hard to make a name for himself that eating hasn’t been a priority. He can’t let his failure reflected badly on his adopted family. “Sure?”

“Good, because I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.” With that she heads to the back, probably to make that sandwich.

She reminds Hamilton of Martha and his mom, she has that motherly vibe. It oozes out of her. Alex goes back to his writing, he is typing a project that isn’t due for 4 months. He wasn’t one for waiting or being behind. George has faith in him, and he can’t betray that. The Washingtons gave him a second chance in life, he has to make them proud.

“You know, if you work yourself to death you won’t be able to see that future you’re fighting so desperately for. Take a break and take care of yourself.” A perfect sandwich is being placed in front of him, damn Alex just realized how hungry he is.

“I know.” He does, but that won’t stop him. He can’t stop, but he does eat the sandwich. Because it’s tempting and he is really hungry.

“For your soulmate’s sake, come by and I’ll feed you.” Lynna is an angel, sent from heaven to bless Alex. He doesn’t deserve it, but he is grateful.

“Thank you,” this is sounding too good, “why?”

“You look so helpless, I can’t just let you starve. It’s against my morals. Besides, I would want someone to help me.”

Alex justs nods, he really doesn’t deserve this. Hell, he did not even deserve the Washingtons or his friends, not John. Maybe the fates didn’t hate him. Maybe they just loved seeing him miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that dumpster fire, but since I'm a dumpster fire, I can't really expect any different.


	3. John's Dream- "You make me happy. I make me miserable"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, after years of pretending that Alexander does not exist, has to face the music about who he is. Alex tries his best to comfort his John, but that kind of trauma cannot be willed away.

John always knew his soulmate was a man, and he had tried so hard to ignore that fact. It made his mother hate him, and his father had threatened to kill him because of it. He even married a woman to try and change it, but soulmates don’t just go away. You cannot change fate. And now here he is, in Alexander’s arms, even if it is just in a dream.

He has never felt more at peace in his life, but the peace feels like a knife in the stomach. He knows that he betrayed Alex, and it hurts.

“Alexander,” John’s voice is breathy and slow. He barely recognizes it. He looks up at the sleeping genius, he is so beautiful. How can a man be that beautiful?

“Hmm?,” Alexander mumbles sleepily, “Yes, dearest?” John’s heart does a flip, even his voice is beautiful.

“I love you.” He does, truly he does, but it leaves him with an anxious, breathless feeling. While Alex fills the hole in him, he keeps digging himself another one. One filled with this guilty feeling and self-loathing. It is a horrible cycle and Alex deserves better.

Alex looks concerned, but he does not voice it, “I love you, too.” He peers outside the tent to make sure none of the other soldiers are around. Once he knows the coast is clear, he places a kiss on his soulmate’s lips.

How John loves when Hamilton kisses him, the kisses feel like lit flares all over his body. It is a magically feeling. That’s how a kiss between soulmates is supposed to feel. But afterward, John always feels empty and unworthy. Every kiss fills him up a little more, and when that feeling leaves him, he feels emptier than he did before. He hates himself for it.

Alex moves them from their sleeping position, John is now sitting in his lap, facing him. “Something is bothering you, John, and I do not like it.” Soulmates can often ‘share’ emotions. If one is feeling an emotion strong enough, the other will feel too. John wonders how often he shares his anxiety with Alex. How often is he weighed down because of John?

“I’m sorry,” he struggles to say without crying, “It isn’t your fault. You’re perfect. It’s just..It’s just…”

“Your father,” Alex offers. It is not fair that he is so understanding, John would prefer it if he was angry. He deserves anger, he doesn’t deserve this compassion.

“Yes, and the way I was raised and everything, Alexander. I love you, in my heart I know that is enough. But in the back of my mind, all I can I hear is how wrong this is and how dirty I am. And I hate that because you’re perfect and I love you.”

Alexander, surprisingly, sits quietly. It is nerve wracking for John, he didn’t intend to offend Alex. He just, well honestly, he doesn’t know what he wants. He wants Alex, that much he is sure of, but he could not voice those words properly. Years of emotional suppression has taken away John’s ability to speak about his feelings out loud.

“I am so sorry, Alexander. You deserve a soulmate who can handle this.”

“You know I love the sound of your voice, John, but please shut up,” he smiles a small sad sort of smile, “I do not want a soulmate who can handle this, I want you.”

“Alexander..….”

“No John, listen to me. I love you. Understand? You. No one else, just you. Stop feeling sad for me, I am not upset. I am quite content, happy, actually. If that matters at all to you.”

It is John’s turn to be speechless, he honestly did not expect those words right now. Tears start spilling from his eyes. He is such a mess, an awful mess. How can anyone love a person like this?

“I did not mean to make you cry, John. I simply wanted to reassure you.” Alex put his hands on the sides of John’s face, gently cupping it, forcing his eyes up.

This, unsurprisingly, makes John cry more. He wants to tell Alexander that he is reassured. Years of denial and self-hatred have taken their toll on him, and words seem to have abandoned him.

“Please, stop crying,” his voice cracks under the strain. John’s heart aches at the sound. His eyes finally meet the others, and he finally sees tears that have begun to form in his soulmate’s eyes.

“Why are you crying?” See, John is the source of all Alexander’s unhappiness. All he does is make people miserable.

“Do I make you that unhappy? Do you wish to have another as a soulmate?”

With this, John Laurens finally breaks. His tears flow unrestricted, loud ugly sobs escape him. He grips Alex’s shoulder with all his might.

“I would gladly give you up if it would make you happy,” Hamilton whispers, he uses his thumb to wipe away John’s tears.

“You make me happy,” John all but yells, “I make me miserable.” Breathing is becoming difficult, he can’t seem to take a full breath. But he has to make Alex understand.

“John..,” comes Alex’s soothing voice, John feels a hand on his back making calming circular motions, “darling you need to breathe."

“I need you to understand, it isn’t your fault. I can’t help it, but it is not your fault if anything you make it better.”

Alex continues to soothe John, “I want to help you.”

“You do help, Alex, simply by existing, you help.”

“But you’re still miserable, even more so now than before.”

“I wanted to be a doctor,” John needs Alex to understand.

“You told me that before.”

“I wanted to help people, I lost my brother. He was one of the only people who accepted me, male soulmate and all, and I wanted to help people because of him.”

“I do not understand stand, John.”

John takes a deep breath, “My father--my father wouldn’t let me, he said I was too dirty and I would infect people with my disease. He forced me to go to law school, he told me that it was ‘better for everyone that way’.”

“Oh, John…”

“When I dreamt of you for the first time, I was so happy. But when I told my parents, they told me that they had lost a son. My father threatened to kill me. My mother told me she wished I was never born. They stole that happiness from me. I was eight, and they broke me.”

“John..,” he starts, but there is nothing he can say.

“I did everything humanly possible to try and ‘fix’ myself, I convinced myself that it would be best for both of us. I lied to myself and pretended what I was feeling wasn’t real. I married someone because I thought, maybe that would make me stop dreaming about you. It didn’t, and I felt like I betrayed you.”

Alexander brings John into a strong hug, he was trying to convey his feelings without words. John finds that surprisingly romantic. Alexander Hamilton, the master of the English Language, cannot find words. It is poetic in its own right.

“Alex, when I met you everything about me made sense. But that forced me to face things that I had denied were apart of me. Alex, you make me unbelievably happy. It is me that makes me miserable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor baby, I'm actually crying right now. This chapter was saved on my computer as "ACTUALLY TEARS (DON'T READ THIS TRASH)", great job me. The other working title, for a while, was,"PreciousGayTurtleSon". Accurate.  
> Yo, I hate Henry Laurens with a burning passion, so if you feel that I'm sorry.  
> I'm always sorry...well everything. It will get better, probably.  
> I've decided that I am John's new parent, so Henry can fight me.


	4. John takes New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is in New York? That's right it's our boy, John Laurens. He finally escaped from his father's tyranny. Herc is there, too! What time is it? Time for coffee. (This is bad, I'm sorry) This chapter is formerly known as 'JOHN MY SON'.

Herc looks pleasantly surprised, evident with the broad smile that has taken root on his face. It has been ages since he and John have actually seen each other face to face, not since Henry sent John to that horrible London boarding school. John is ecstatic to be in New York, and his oldest friend being here made it so much better.

“Well if it isn’t The John Laurens, in the flesh,” Hercules laughs, as he brings John in for a long overdue hug. These hugs are familiar, they remind John of home. Not his family, but that abstract idea of what a home should be. A place where you are accepted no matter what, and there is no Henry Laurens. John soaks it in, it is the first bit of normalcy and affection he has had in too long. It is almost overwhelming.

“Herc,” John says breathily, seeing his closest friend after so long makes him feel so full, “it is so good to see you.” The last week has been a lot of John, it has been an emotional rollercoaster. He needs Herc more than ever, with Herc he finally has the physical and emotional, support he needs.

“Man, I thought your dad had shipped you off for good.” Hercules Mulligan hates Henry Laurens, he has long since stopped trying to pretend otherwise. But that doesn’t bother John. He strongly dislikes his father, too.

“He asked me if I was out of “The Phase” and was done being “selfish” like I choose to be a big disappointment. He actually said, and I am quoting him here, “you can’t be a doctor, you might infect someone with your condition”.”

Herc growls, “I hate that man more every day.”

John laughs, Herc is a breath of fresh air, “Well, I am here, aren’t I?”

“How did you convince him to let you come to New York?” Herc is worried that John might have done something stupid. John and Stupid go hand in hand sometimes. John likes to call it bravery but Herc is fairly sure that Stupid is more accurate.

“Oh,” and John cannot believe that he is about to say these words, “I start Med School in a few weeks.”

“Med School, John, are you serious? How?” Going to Med School has been John’s dream since for as long as he can remember, but there was never any way Daddy Dearest was going to let that happen. That is one of the reasons Herc hates Henry so much.

John breaks out in a smile, the sort of smile that could light up the cloudiest days, Herc hasn’t seen that smile on John’s face in far too long, “I told my very conservative senator father that if he did not let me attend Med School that I would tell his very conservative senator friends that his son is very very gay and has a male soulmate to boot. And apparently being gay runs in families, according to very conservative ‘scientists’. Didn’t you know? And if there is one thing my father cares more about than controlling every day of my life, it is his image and the opinions of his colleagues.”

Herc is speechless, the John he knew could never speak out against his father, this is a pleasant and well-received change. A change he knew John needed, but not one he ever expected to actually happen.

“Anyway, he didn’t want me to ruin his image and he let me do what I want. It feels so weird to be free.” Henry Laurens had dictated the direction of his son’s life since he was born, John never had much input in it. Poor dear does not know how to handle all of this freedom. It is sadly adorable.

“John, I never thought I’d see the day. But, man, I am glad it did. What brought this on?” He has an idea but he wants to confirm it.

John flushes, “ Can we talk about it somewhere else?”

“Of course, I have been dying to show you my favorite coffee shop. You’ll love it.”

Herc leads John to a little cafe. Rosa’s is the name on the sign above the awning, and there is a red rose painted on the door. John thinks it’s cute, in a tv coffee shop sort of way, “This is your coffee shop?”

Herc nods, “Lynna makes the best coffee, don’t let the size of this place fool you. I love this place, and so will you.”

“Lynna?” John gives his friend a skeptical look. He isn’t good with new people, Herc should know that.

“The best barista in New York, and a bonafide angel. She’ll love you, hell she already does, I talk about you all the time. She has been dying to meet you.”

John, still skeptical, nods, “Let’s go, then.”

As they walk inside, John is hit by the smell of freshly made coffee and an aura of home. Herc and this coffee shop have much of the same aura. He can see why the other man might like it here so much.

“Hello,” a female voice says from the back, “oh it’s you Fancy Pants.”

“Fancy Pants?” John looks at Hercules questioningly. Herc, however, is laughing, apparently, he understands what she means.

“Yep, and I brought a friend.” The man sounds almost giddy. John wonders what exactly Herc told her about him.

“Oh, really, who?” Her voice sounds youthful and happy. John is surprised, she sounds too young to be the person Herc had described.

“Why don’t you come out and see? We are customers, aren’t you supposed to serve us?.” It is a playful sort of banter, a friendship that John was not expecting.

“Running a coffee shop isn’t easy, I’m coming, “ she emerges from the backroom, “Herc, it's a pleasure, as always. And who is this?”

“Lynna, dearest Lynna, Mother of Wayward Coffee Drinkers, this is my oldest friend, the one and only John Laurens.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, The John Laurens,” she extends her hand to him. He shakes and she smiles.

“As it is a pleasure to meet you,” he was still wary of her, but she seems decent enough. If he has learned anything from his life of being Henry Laurens’ son, was that no one can be trusted unless they prove themselves. The other thing he learned was “southern charm”, but that came almost natural to him.

“So what can I get you, boys?” She asks as she ties on her apron and smiles.

Herc answers first, “I’ll have my usual and a cupcake, you know which ones I like. John? What do you want?”

“Um, Vanilla Latte,” He needs to test her coffee making ability, not that he doesn’t trust Herc. He just needs to prove it himself.

The girl scowls, “You are the second person in 48 hours to try and test my coffee skills. I’m offended.”

Herc laughs, and John follows suit. Lynna smiles at them before busying herself with coffee preparations. Herc leads John to his favorite seat in the shop, a worn leather couch in the back corner, “So, are you going to tell me what made you finally speak against your father?”\

John sighs, “Alex.”

“Your soulmate?” Herc is one of the only people John has ever told about his soulmate. John wasn’t even sure Alex was his name. Memories from Indicator Dreams are notoriously unreliable, usually, they are a little off. His name could be similar to Alex, for all John knew.

“Yeah, I dreamt that he felt my anxiety and I could feel myself burdening him with my baggage. I can’t let him suffer because of me.”

“Emotion sharing, John, you two haven’t met yet. Emotion Sharing is done through a strong bond, how is that possible?”

“I don’t know, all I know is what I felt. I can’t explain it, but I know that was what happened.”

Lynna places two coffee cups in front of them, “Reincarnation, probably.”

“What?” Hercules and John are equally confused.

“Reincarnation,” she explains, “if two soulmates don’t end up together, for whatever reason, usually because the Fates meddled, they get a second chance at a ‘happy ending’.”

John is shocked at the sudden revelation, but it actually makes sense, “That’s why my dreams are set in the past.”

Lynna sets down Herc’s cupcake, “Looks like you have a do-over, Mr. Laurens.”

John's eyebrows furrow, his life just got more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a caffeine headache, so suffer with me.  
> A friend suggested I give Henry a redemption arc, to which I said, "Nope, because he sucks and I don't like him." Why do I hate him, you may ask? Let me tell you, there are a lot of reasons. One being he left John in London and refused to let him come home until he finished law school, something John didn't want to do in the first place. I just can't. How can someone be that horrible to your own child?  
> So no Henry Laurens redemption here, sorry. But I'm not.  
> But Herc, I love Herc, he is the best, and the Dad!Friend. Next to Actual Dad and the Father of the Nation, George Washington.  
> Are Batman's and Superman's mothers named Martha after Martha Washington? Because Martha Washington is the Actual Mom. Even if that's not true, that is what I'm going to believe. No one is going to convince me otherwise.


	5. America's Favorite Fighting Frenchmen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette is a literal angel and probably the best person (next to John) to ever walk this planet. You don't need a summary, that is all you need.

The Marquis was the first to figure out that John and Alexander are soulmates. He is so unbelievably fine with it, that it disturbs Alex a bit. Wasn’t this man a European Noble? Alex shudders when he thinks about things that group of people has done to people like him. Murder, torture, they have done horrible things to them.

“How did you figure it out?” Alexander is sure he and John have been very discreet, more discreet than Alex would like. John has limited touching to their tent, and Alex is not to make John laugh. It has been torture being denied his soulmate’s affection. So when they are alone, Alex does his best to ‘fill up on John’.

“I have eyes, I can see. John looks at you like you are god himself. You treat John like he is the King, a kind and just one, but a King just the same. You two are two are very obvious, like two lovesick puppy dogs. Je pense que c'est beau.” The Marquis smiles, Alex doesn’t. They have been torturing themselves for nothing.

“It is not beautiful. We could get killed because of it. You should be slaying me where I stand. You are a Noble, are you not?” He spits out, not at his friend but at the world, the world where he can have John but never really have him. It is too cruel.

“Oui, mon ami, I am a Noble and most Nobles would have a problem with you and John, and would most likely kill you where you stand. But I am French, nothing is more important to the French than love. According to the Law, it might be illegal, but no one will turn you in. Hell, even some of clergy will accept you. We are not called the Country of Love for no reason.”

Alex laughs, “I find that hard to believe.” It is a ridiculous notion, in any era or place. No one, except maybe Natives, is accepting of Male/Male soulmates. Natives believe that soulmates are the spirit's way of blessing humanity, and should be honored at all costs.

“Je comprends, you have been living in fear toute votre vie. And not all French are as accepting, some will turn you in, however, the majority would rather die than come in between true soulmates. There is nothing more beautiful than vrais amoureux. ”

Why does Alex only know him as the Marquis? Why is that the only thing Alex has to identify him on? Indicator Dreams are the worst, the absolute worst. When Alex wakes up, he probably won’t remember what the Marquis looks like and Non-Dream Alex isn’t sure what the Marquis’s name is, all he knows is it is long and obnoxious. He probably has like seven names or something like that, rich people are ridiculous. Hamilton doesn’t understand why anyone needs that many names.

However, there is something else on Alex’s mind, something that has been bothering him for a long time, “Do you think the General…”

“Faire taire, mon petit lion,” the Marquis soothes, “George does not care.” George Washington is a man who cares more about the actions of a man rather than said man’s circumstances. He proved that by making a bastard orphan one of his most trusted advisor. Alexander is eternally grateful for that fact, George has literally given him a chance to prove he is more than his origin. He is more than an orphaned immigrant, so much more.

Alex looks at his friend warily, he has been hiding this secret for over a decade. And the few people who did know hated him afterward, it was one of the reasons his dad left, he didn’t want a ‘freak’ as a son. It is hard to believe that some people are just that accepting. He doesn’t say anything but his anxiety gets through anyway.

“Alexander, I understand your fear. I may be married to Adrienne, and I love her, I do. She is my best friend, but she is not my soulmate.”

“Who is it then?” This is the first time Alex has heard of something like this.

“That is a story for another time, Alexander. But la vérité remains, you are not the only one struggling with this. The Church might not want you to believe this, but a man having a male soulmate is not that uncommon.” That’s true people like Alex and John have existed throughout history, those in power have the habit of erasing them from the narrative.

Alexander considers himself the luckiest orphan in the world. He might have a traditional family, but he has one. His family consists the Marquis, John, Herc, the General, Mother Washington, and Eliza…

“I am getting married to Eliza,” he announces suddenly. This is the first time he says it out loud, it makes it feel real.

“Alexander, Pourquoi?” The Marquis looks very confused.

“I decided that it would be for the best. She knows about John and me, I told her at the beginning. But she can’t publically be with her soulmate either, so she understands. We are going to help each other. She is even okay with me being with John, she said we could all be friends. You will like her.”

“And John, is Petite Tortue alright with this?”

“I know that he is not 100% on board with this. I understand perfectly. You forget that John is married too. But I’m doing this for John if I am married then no one will suspect us of being soulmates. We could finally spend time together without that fear eating at him. I would gladly let them hang me, but John, my poor beloved John, he is afraid. I can feel the anxiety radiating from him. He is suffering, and I cannot stop it.”

“Oh, mon meilleur ami, I am so sorry.” He looks genuinely sad, like if there was anything he could do change this he would without hesitation.

“I do anything to be with John, and if that means getting married then so be it. Eliza is a good woman, and she is scared as well. Her situation is worse than mine if that is possible. I can help both of them.”

“It isn’t like you to be so self-sacrificing.” Alex is the type of person who knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it. This side of him is surprising.

Alex laughs, “Love changes you, I guess. This is strange for me, too. Every fiber in my being screams to be with John, just John, only John. All I want to is run away with him, Eliza keeps me grounded. I am not sure I like the feeling of being grounded.”

“Vous ne pouvez pas contenir le vent.”

“How poetic,” Hamilton teases, “John said something similar to me earlier. Should I take Eliza, John, and Eliza’s Destined Partner to France when everything's said and done? Would you take us in?”

“I would like that very much, Alexander. You have to see my home, and meet my Adrienne.” The Marquis carries a hopeful smile.

“You are part of my family."

“My dear Alexander, you are the brother I didn’t wish for, but the one I needed. You have made my life so much richer. Even if you are obnoxious and outspoken. You take every opportunity to get under my skin. Sansass! You truly are like a younger brother. ”

“If I am your brother, who is our Father?” Alex jests.

“George,” The Marquis says simply and they both break out in laughter.

The General is very father like, he basically adopted the lot of them. Each of them has a less than ideal home life. Alex is a bastard orphan. The Marquis’s father dead and his mother more or less abandoned him. John’s parents wish he was dead. George is a surrogate father to most of his soldiers, that is one of the reasons they are so loyal to him and they are enraged when Congress blames him for the status of the war.

“Thank you for being so accepting, it is has been this huge weight crushing me for so long. You have taken some of it off of me.”

“Bien sûr, you are family. Anyway, it isn’t like you choose who is your soulmate. The fates have a horrible sense of humor.”

“Do you think so?”

“Oui, but John and you fit together so well. You two are meant to be, I can tell. They weren’t joking with when they paired you together.”

“I wish John saw it that way, he thinks his whole life is a cosmic joke.”

“That is why he has you, no?”

Alex smiles at that, “If only life was that simple."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Rule: Don't post a 1 a.m., you'll regret it.  
> Who do you think should be Laf and Eliza's soulmate? I have some ideas but I'm not 100% sure yet and input would be helpful.  
> Lafayette does not get enough credit for being awesome. He was literally the best.  
> Herc is "Fancy Pants", I think Lafayette will be "Screw you, I do what I want"
> 
> ~French Translations~ (Confession: I took 1 semester of French so I'm not the best yet)  
> Je pense que c'est beau ~ I think it is beautiful  
> Oui, mon ami ~ Yes, my friend  
> Je comprends ~ I understand  
> toute votre vie ~ Your whole life  
> vrais amoureux ~ True lovers  
> Faire taire, mon petit lion ~ Shush (shut up) my small lion  
> la vérité ~ the truth  
> Pourquoi ~ what/why  
> Petite Tortue ~ Small Turtle  
> mon meilleur ami ~ my best friend  
> Vous ne pouvez pas contenir le vent ~ You cannot contain the wind  
> Sanass ~ Wow  
> Bien sûr ~ Of course


	6. Winter in the City (well almost)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Alex and Laf go see the General for some coffee, I suck at this. Oh, slight cursing because I am trash.

It isn’t even Winter yet, and the city is already freezing. Alex has a very small threshold for the cold. He is from the Caribbean, the tropics. Anything below 60 is too cold for him. His adopted brother, Lafayette, thrives in cold weather.  The two of them are walking in the city, on their way to get something to eat. Laf has been living in New York for about two weeks now, and he has been driving Alex up the wall. They really need to get out of the apartment, and getting food is as good an enough reason as any.

 

“Don’t you just love this weather, mon petit frère?” Laf is disturbingly _French._ Alex usually finds it endearing, but today he finds it irritating. It is probably the weather, but Lafayette has his moments where Alexander doesn’t know how he managed to put up with him for so long.

 

“No, I don’t,” he grumbles from beneath his thick scarf, “and you are not that much older than me. Six months Laf, six months.”

 

“Yes, but I am still older, and you are shorter than me, making you my ‘little’ brother in more ways than one,” Laf says, an obnoxious smile playing on his lips. Honestly, if Alex didn’t love him as much, he would have probably killed him by now.

 

“It is too cold for this crap,” Alex growls out. He really doesn’t like the cold, the novelty wore off a long time ago. The cold is one of those things that he liked at first, but soon found out it made him miserable.

 

Laf laughs, “Where are we meeting Papa George?” The three of them have twice a month lunches, George likes to keep tabs on his ‘troublemakers’. They were known for causing all sorts of havoc, mostly Alex but Laf isn’t as innocent as he pretends he is. The Washington household was peaceful until Laf and Alex moved in, but George said he never really liked the quiet.

 

To be completely honest, they never got in any real trouble. Mostly petty stuff, they were ‘distractions’. Alex with his big mouth and his inability to keep his opinions to himself, and Laf, he burns too bright. So bright, that everyone around him seems dim in comparison. Martha always told him that people were jealous, that’s why they were mean to him.

 

The only real trouble Alex ever gotten into was the time he had gotten in a fight when someone decided it was a good idea to tease Laf. He decided to wear a skirt to school, and he looked damn good in it. He has the perfect legs for pulling off a skirt, and they made him extremely happy. He liked looking pretty. Then some prick had the nerve to say, “No wonder you’re an orphan. Who would love a freak like you?”

 

Needless to say, follow orphan and devoted brother, Alexander Hamilton, did not like that at all. There was yelling, and someone got punched in the face. (It wasn’t Alex.) No one messed with Laf after that, but the damage was done. Laf stopped wearing skirts after, Alex thinks about that a lot. If only he got there sooner, maybe...

 

“Did you hear me? I asked where are we going.” Laf does the older brother tisk, he perfected it long ago and uses it constantly. It is also so very annoying, but he seems to enjoy it, so Alex lets it slide, this time.

 

“Oh, um, this cafe that I started frequenting recently, probably the only one in town that’ll take me still. Apparently, I have a quite the reputation, and it isn’t a good one,” Alex admits guilty.

 

“You are notorious no matter what you do and where you go, hmm?” Laf is laughing now, he is enjoying this way far much for Alex’s taste.

 

“Apparently. It's a talent at this point.” There is a grim expression on his face, being too unbearable to be around isn’t exactly something he is proud of. It is just an accepted fact of his existence at this point. This kind of thing isn’t exactly new for Alexander.

 

“It’s because of that mouth, mon cher frère, you need to learn when to keep it shut. You pop off too much.”

 

“I cannot help the fact that I am opinionated. It’s a part of my charm.”

 

“Charm? Alexander, if that’s what you call charm, then I am a failure as a brother.”

 

“You know what you are? You're an ass, and I hate you.”

 

Laf fakes a shocked gasp, “Alexander! You wound me.”

 

“Good! That was the plan.” Alex does his ‘the Hamilton’ grin, and Laf smiles back, giggling slightly. They have always been comfortable around each other, they just click. They are like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. Wherever they go, they carry a brotherly air with them.

 

When they finally reach the cafe, George is waiting for them. When he sees the boys, he stands and, “There are my boys.”

 

“Papa,” Laf exclaims happily, “you are looking well.” He hugs his father figure, George has had a lot of time on his hands since he retired. By the looks of it, retirement, and Martha have been treating him well.

 

“Thank you, son and what about you, Gilbert, is the city being kind to you?”

 

“Oui, Alexander has been helping me adjust. He is the best.”

 

“And Alex,” George asks delicately, “how are you?”

 

Alex is a special case, between childhood trauma and overall natural born stubbornness, it is best to approach him with caution to broach whatever mood he is in. Alex smiles, “Well New York isn’t Mount Vernon, George, but I manage.” Always George never Dad, Alex has bad emotions associated with that word. George did not deserve those feelings. He has been too good to Alex to be associated with the word ‘dad’. James Hamilton left a nasty taste in Alex’s mouth that never left. It was not pleasant, nor it is fair to George. Still, George is the closest thing Hamilton was ever had to a functional father figure.

 

Alexander hugs George, and all the tension melts from him. Alex is too tightly wound, George thinks. He says nothing of his concern, opting for, “Martha misses you, boys, something fierce. She wishes she could have come today. Poor woman is worried you’ll forget her.”

 

“Never,” Alex and Laf yell, faces flushed and eyes wide with shock. George cracks up at the sight.

 

“She’ll be glad to hear that. Are we still on for a family dinner next weekend?” Monthly Family Dinners were required by ‘Mother Washington’ when they moved out. She is a force to be reckoned with, even more so than George.

 

“Of course,” Alex says, smiling.

 

“We wouldn’t miss it for the world,” adds Laf, “no cooks as good as Maman. And I miss her company. No one loves you quite like your mother.”

 

“She’ll be glad to hear that.” George is proud of his kids, and they were his kids. When people accused him of using them as political pawns, George lost it. It was the only time level-headed George Washington ever raised his voice against his constituents.

 

Lynna isn’t behind the counter, instead it is a co-worker with the name tag ‘Eric’, “The closer will be here in like five minutes, do you guys mind waiting?”

 

The three of them nod, and sit on the old worn leather sofa facing the large window at the front of the shop, “Have you decided on a major, Gil?”

 

“Oui, well I have it down to two, International Relations or Business.”

 

“I’m taking International Relations, Laf, I could help you,” Alex says.

 

“Business it is then,” Laf adds flatly.

 

“Asswhole.”

 

“Boys, language.”

 

“Whatever you say, Cap.” Alex looks knowingly at his brother, who in turn laughs.

 

“Cap?,” George questions, “but I was a General?”

 

A female voice floats in, “I’m assuming he was making an Avengers reference. Good one, Alex.”

 

“Lynna,” Alex laughs, “George, Laf, this is the best barista in New York.”

 

“Hello, Miss.”

 

“Bonjour, Mademoiselle.”

 

“This is the great General Washington and the French brother?”

 

“Yep,” Alex says, “This is my family, all that’s missing is Martha.”

 

“Hello, Alexander’s family. What can I get you?”

 

George orders a regular coffee, and Laf orders something Alex can’t pronounce. “And I’ll have my usual.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               “Coming right up,” Lynna says with a smile, skipping off to start their order.

 

“Usual?” Laf asks.

 

Alexander looks down sheepishly, “Well, um, you see.”

 

From the back, Lynna yells, “It's basically all the caffeine I can legally put in a cup.”

 

Laf snickers and George looks at Alexander concerned. “Alex?”

 

“I only order it sometimes, she won’t let me order it every night. And she makes me eat while I’m drinking it.”

 

“You need to be more self-aware Alexander. Please start taking care of yourself.”

 

“I know George, but I…”

 

“Need to prove yourself, I know. Just make sure you are still yourself when you’re done.”

 

Three cups of coffee and a sandwich are set down on the table in front of them, “Don’t worry, Sir, I’ll make sure he eats at least.”

“You’re a godsend. Eliza still come..”

 

“She makes sure the kitchen is stocked and my laundry is done, then we go for a walk. Sometimes she brings Maria. I told her that she can come less now that Laf moved in.”

 

“Martha and I worry, that's all. You boys are precious to us.”

 

“I know, and I am trying.”

 

Laf laughs, slinging an arm around his brother, “I’ll make sure the baby gets taken care off. It is my duty as his older brother.”

  
“Fuck off Laf…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, a little background on why Alex hates the cold. I do, that's it. I live in SoCal and the cold is my worst enemy. At first, it's like "how cool is this, a break from the heat" then I'm like "where is the sun, I want to go to the beach, I haven't worn my shorts in weeks, I AM SO COLD". I figured Alex would be the same.  
> Another thing, me and my siblings suck and I don't know how normal siblings talk. So basically Laf and Alex are me and my younger sister, sorry.  
> Laf calls Alex his little brother and his dear brother because I'm a condescending oldest sibling and I figure all of us are.  
> This was written between work and school, so it's a little late and sucky, sorry.


	7. Where is Alexander?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream about death and a phone call from his father. Poor John, he needs his Alexander

_Where is Alexander?_ That is John’s first thought as he opens his eyes to an unfamiliar landscape. Smoke from guns and cannons fill the air and poison John’s lungs. There are sounds of gunshots in the distance, and _Where is Alexander?_ John needs him, needs him right now. Something bad is going to happen, John can feel it in his bones. Shouts snap him out of his trance, “Get down, Laurens! What are you doing?”

 

Get down, why?

 

Suddenly John is on the ground looking up at the blue sky scarred with smoke from the canons. Everything hurts, hurts so much, and _Where is Alexander?_ There is blood everywhere, why had he been so stupid? Getting hurt isn’t anything new for John, he has been injured in every battle he has fought in. Yes, he had been injured in every battle he ever fought in, so he knows what a gunshot feels like, but this..this is different. _Where is Alexander?_

 

“Ale. ..Alex,” John calls out, “where is Alex?” His mind is mushy with confusion, his brain working to dull the pain. Everything hurts, he feels like he is on fire. _Where is Alexander? Where is Alexander?_

 

I’m going to die, he thinks, I’m going to die. Alex is going to be all alone. _Where is Alexander?_ Is he hurt? Is he okay? Where is he? Wait, he left Alex. He is in South Carolina. He hates South Carolina, his father is there and he hates his father. Why would he leave the comfort and warmth of Alexander Hamilton to come back to a place he hates? _Where is Alexander?_ His mind is full of nothing but A _lexander_.

 

_Alexander_

 

_Alexander_

 

_Alexander_

 

_Where is Alexander?_

 

Alex is married. Was that why…

 

No, Eliza is wonderful. John does not blame Alex for marrying her. He understands why Alex did it. John, himself, is married. That doesn’t take away the hurt, but John understands. Understanding doesn’t fill the hole in his heart, but Alex isn’t to blame for that. That’s not the reason. If not that, then why…

 

Pain complete takes over and consumes him. He has been shot, obviously. But Alex, he needs Alex. W _here is Alexander?_ He can feel John’s fear, John can feel his worry from here. He can hear a faint, _John_. It sounds like Alexander, but John doesn’t trust his ears right now.

 

“Sir, where were you hit?” That voice isn’t Alex's.

 

“I...I don’t know, everything hurts. I’m sorry.” His voice isn’t his, it is like everything being drained out of him. Did he always sound this helpless? He has never felt so weak, he hates it. John Laurens is anything but weak. He lived his whole life proving that he wasn’t to people, specifically his father. What has changed now? _Where is Alexander?_

 

“Sir!! Sir! You need to stay awake, keep your eyes on me.” The voice is panicked and quick, he is worried about John. One of John’s men, the doctor probably, John treats his men like family. They are his family, almost as much as Alex is and so much more than his father is.

 

And John tries, he does. But everything hurts so much, it would so much just to close his eyes and sleep. A little sleep would help, that’s what he always told his little brothers and sisters, _Sleep, you’ll feel better tomorrow. Sleep, it will help you. All you need is a little sleep._

 

But there will be no tomorrow for John, he knows that. It terrifies him, he isn’t ready to leave. He isn’t ready to leave Alex. His eyes snap open. He is desperate to hang on, his fingers dig into the grounded as if he trying to anchor himself to this life, to Alex. He isn’t ready to go, there is so much he has to do. _Alexander._

 

“Breath John, relax. You will be fine, just-just keep talking to me, okay?” The man does not sound like he believes these words, John can hear the sorrow in his voice. _Where is Alexander?_ Every bone, every cell in his body is screaming for Alexander.

 

“I’m-I’m trying. I’m trying. Can you do me a favor, please?” If, when, John doesn’t make it, someone needs, has, to let Alexander know, well, everything. Alex deserves to know how much John appreciates him, how much John loves him, how much John loves him. _Where is Alexander?_

 

“Anything for you, Sir, what is it?” The man, whose faces is a blur to John, sounds on the verge of crying. Does John really mean that much to his men? He simply did the right thing, what kind of world did he live in where doing the right thing makes you some sort of hero?

 

“Tell...tell” John freezes up, coughing up blood, but he needs to get his message out, “Tell my Beloved that I am so very sorry.” He has so much more to say, but that’s all he can manage.

 

“Mr. Hamilton will get the message directly from me, Sir.” Understanding thick in the voice. He smiles faintly, proud to know such a strong man and the fact that that man trusted him with his greatest secret.

 

John has seen plenty death on the battlefield, and he now finally understands the agony of dying without your soulmate present. It feels like part of himself is being torn away from him, the part of his that exist solely for his Alexander. _Where is his Alexander?_

 

Alexander. The brash, unruly, unmanageable, unrelenting, ornery, headstrong, beautiful man that is Alexander Hamilton has taken a permanent place in John’s heart when he entered John’s life like a storm. Alexander is a hurricane in his own right, but in a strange way, it is the most beautiful thing John has ever seen. He has made John sublimely happy from Day 1, no matter how many times John tried to convince himself he was miserable. All Alex has to do is fucking smile, and John is so defenseless. Alex ripped down the walls John had so desperately tried to build around his heart like it was nothing.

 

All conscious thought leaves John, until only one thing is left, _Alexander_. Darkness sneaks into his eyes, and breathing slowly grows more and more difficult. But still...

 

_Alexander_

 

_Where are you?_

 

_I love you…_

 

_Alexander_

 

_Alexander_

 

_I’m so sorry._

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Present John Laurens wakes up panting. He desperately whips tears from his eyes. His heart is beating rapidly, his dream had shaken him up horribly. His past life seems like nothing but suffering, and sadly, nothing seems to have changed with his reincarnation. Suffering seems to be the only thing John knows how to do perfectly.

 

Suddenly, he is hit with calming warm feeling, like a gentle hug from behind. “Alexander,” John breathes out, he would recognize that feeling anywhere. His soulmate is trying to soothe him, from however far away he is. That warm feeling is everything John has been missing his entire life. Alexander is his missing piece, all he has ever needed to feel whole. He could sit in this warmth forever.

 

John’s phone rings, snapping him away from that feeling. A shaky sigh escapes from his lips as he goes to reach his phone, the caller ID reads ‘Henry Laurens’. John scowls, he is trying to take a nap before his night classes and he really does not want to deal with Father.

 

“Hell. ..Hello, sir,” John greets, trying to shake off the remnants of his dream. Laurens men don’t show weakness, especially to each other.

 

“Son,” the gruff voice that undeniably belongs to Henry says, “I am calling to give you an ultimatum.”

 

“I am not leaving Med School. All my life I have been the son you wanted, now I am going to the man I want to be.” He isn’t going back to that life ever again, he owes that much to himself and Alex. He has never met the man, of course, but John knows that he deserves better than John is under his father’s control.

 

“I can assure you, having a doctor for a son is better than having a gay one.” The word gay is uttered as if it is the single most disgusting thing in the world.

 

John’s breath hitches, of course, this is what his father wants to talk about. He could never let John live his life and be happy. “I am sure a happy son would be more important to most fathers.”

 

“I am not ‘most fathers’. And since you are my son, I expect you already knew that.”

 

“I always knew you were a miserable, soul-sucking, joke of a father. I was simply making an observation I have made since moving to New York. The majority of decent fathers prioritize their children’s happiness of personal gain and motivations. But you aren’t decent no matter what you do.”

 

Henry growls, “New York has made you bolder, I do not like it.”

 

“No, I would think not. It’ll be a lot harder to bully me into doing what you want now.”

 

“Listen here, boy...”

 

John interrupts, “I am an adult now. I am not a boy, don’t call me that.”

 

“John Henry Laurens, I am your father.”

 

“Unfortunately..”

 

“If you don’t find a woman, and get married. I will cut you off.”

 

“Excuse me?” John’s voice raises a few levels, a sign of weakness according to Henry, but John cannot be bothered to care all that much about that right now.

 

“You heard me, if you don’t play the nice heterosexual Chrisitan man I raised, you’ll have to pay for your own living expenses. I know we talked about you living in New York for at least a year before you would start paying for yourself, but I will not pay anymore unless you do what I say. You are a good looking man from a good family, it won’t be that hard for you.”

 

“You’re asking me to deny my soulmate?” It isn’t that uncommon, but doing so leaves both soulmates with deep emotional and psychological scars.

 

“Well it sounds so evil when you put it like that, but yes. Deny your soulmate.”

 

“You are a monster. Do you know what kind of psychological damage that does to a person? Why do you want me to be miserable?”

 

“I am running for reelection soon..”

 

“Is that all I am to you? I am your son, not a political prop for you to use for your own gain. I am a fucking person.” John snaps, he isn’t hurting the person made for him to make Henry Laurens happy. And, he is damn hell sure he isn’t hurting himself for his father’s sake either.

 

“You have two weeks to decide. I’ll call you.” Henry hangs up.

 

John throws his phone against the hotel wall, why did the fates give him that man as a father? Hasn’t he suffered enough?

  
He needs to get out of here, the walls are suffocating him. His class starts in a few hours and he needs to clear his head. He slips on a pair of pants and a clean shirt. Keys are grabbed and jacket slipped on. Before leaving he makes sure he has his bookbag. He exits the hotel with an intended destination in mind, a certain coffee shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, I'm not dead. Or well I was, but not anymore. One of the few benefits of being the Queen of Underworld, I suppose.
> 
> "ALEXANDER HAMILTON, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?", is what I wanted to call this chapter, but I decided against it. I know this chapter is different than the other ones, but it didn't flow right if I didn't post it like this.
> 
> John took a nap before class, because if you don't take them before you'll take them during. That's not a good idea, trust me.
> 
> GUESS WHO ELSE IS AT THE COFFEE SHOP???


	8. Alexander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did our little Alex react to John's untimely death? Let's see how it affected him and those around him.

Death has taken a lot for Alex, too much for young Alexander to handle. He was empty for so long until he met John of course. John makes him feel full, gives him a purpose. Even if everyone else is against him, Alex knows that John will always be on his side.

Even now, while John is in South Carolina, Alex feels John’s presence. It makes puts him at ease, and now that the war is over John can come home. They can work together to build a more tolerant country, a country where religion doesn’t decide the law of the land, a country where people like them can be together without fear.

Alex wants John to meet Phillip, who is eerily similar to John. It’s actually terrifying. Eliza just smiles, glad her son has such loving father and that Alex will always a little piece of John. Alex has always been so accepting, loving, and most recently self-sacrificing. She has always wanted a big family, but she has thought it was impossible because of her situation. But because of Alex, her dreams can be realized. He even lets her soulmate see her, an uncommon practice for married people who aren’t soulmates. He genuinely wants her to be happy, it is more than Eliza ever accepted out of life. She is grateful for Alexander.

So, when she finds Alex violently sobbing on the study’s floor, she hurries to his side. He is clutching his heart, whispering a mantra of “John, John…” She has never seen him this helpless.

“Alexander, dear, what’s wrong?” She is trying very hard to keep her voice calm and regulated.

Alex’s eyes try to focus on her but they are blurred with tears, and an ugly sob escapes from him. Eliza wraps her arms around, doing whatever she can to comfort him. She has a sneaking suspicion she knows what’s happening, but she prays it isn’t true. They sit like that, for what seems like hours, but it couldn’t have been more than 15 minutes.

“John..,” Alex whispers one final time, all his tears cried out, “Something happened to John, I can’t feel him anymore.”

“Oh, Alexander..” her worst fears realized.

“He’s gone, isn’t he? I feel..empty. Eliza, is he dead?” Panic rises up in him, his breathing elevates. His eyes grow wide at the sudden realization.

“I don’t. ..I don’t know.” Not for sure, anyway, but in her heart, she knows John Laurens is dead, and she knows Alex knows that too.

“I told him to be careful. I told him that I needed him alive. I need him, Eliza, I don’t remember how to survive without him. Eliza, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. John, I’m sorry.” Tears spill again from this eyes and he buries himself in Eliza's shoulder anchoring himself to the world. He has responsibilities, he has a son, a wife, George needs him. He can’t give into this need to join his beloved. John wouldn’t want that fate for him. He needs to stay strong but it is so hard. John, he needs to be with John. He cries harder.

“Do not apologize to me, Alexander, you did nothing wrong,” she runs her fingers through his hair like she does Phillip when he is upset and near inconsolable. She whispers sweet words and reassurances, anything to calm Alex and getting him breathing.

Alex takes a few deep breathes, then he says with a shaky voice, “I am going to get a letter from his father soon, I have to pretend to be surprised.”

“Surprised? Alexander, what are you talking about?”

“There is no reason for me to know already, no reason I can explain without letting John’s secret and your’s too. I can’t mourn openly until the letter arrives. And even then..”

“That could take weeks, and mourning a soulmate is different than mourning a friend. Alexander, you can’t do that to yourself.” Keeping all those emotions in for so long will wreck his mental health, he needs to mourn. They are soulmates for crying out loud. It isn’t like they choose to be, but they needed each other, or so said the cosmic designer, the fates. Alex needs to mourn. He knows that.

Alex’s gaze falls to the floor, “I know, but it is for the best. I’ll preserve John’s legacy and protect your secret no matter the cost to me.”

Eliza smiles sadly and places a gentle motherly kiss on the top Alexander’s head, “I am sorry. Take as long as you need. I’ll be here for you”

“It’s not your fault. You are more than I deserve.”

The weeks that pass are miserable for Alexander, he struggles to keep appearances. George knows that something the moment he lays his eyes on the boy.

“Alexander?”

“Yes, sir?” Alex looks beat, the bags under his eyes bigger than they have ever been since George took him under his wing. Which is certainly something for Alexander, who seems to have never heard the words “break” and “take it easy”.

“Are you okay?”

Alex freezes, he looks at George timidly. George doesn't not like this look on Alex. Alexander Hamilton is a force of Nature, timid is something he should never be.

George nods reassuringly, “It's okay, Alexander, you can tell me. Are you okay?”

“I’m not.” He says it simply but his eyes tell a different story. George is worried. Alex is the type to bottle everything up, and all George can think is that it’s finally become too much for the boy.

“You can tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I can’t. I’m afraid it’s unlawful. I don’t...I don’t want to put you in that situation.”

“Hmm, Alexander, close the door.” George feels responsible for Alexander, and it is obvious Alexander is suffering. It hurts George to see him this helpless.

Alex nods and closes the door, “Sir, it’s fine.”

“You are not fine, Alexander, a blind person could see that. Tell me what the problem is. I want to help you.”

“Sir, please, I don’t think I can do this. I can’t do this.”

This makes George even more worried, only one thing could shake the unshakable Alexander Hamilton, “I understand.”

“You do?”

“I am not an idiot, I know about you and Laurens. You two are soulmates, it's as obvious as the nose on my face.”

“Oh.” The very mention of John makes Alex flinch. He looks so sad, it's heartbreaking.

“Has-has something happened to John? Is that what's bothering you? ”

“He-he’s gone. I-I felt it. I felt hi-him d-die. I don’t know the full story, but I know-I know he is no longer alive.”

“And you’ve been working this whole time? You could have told me. It takes a lot out of a person, losing a soulmate. This must have been torture for you. I’m sorry. John was a good man.”

“No, sir, if you gave me time to mourn people would ask questions. I cannot afford questions. Eliza and John’s honor depend on me. John deserves to be remembered as a hero, not as having me as a soulmate, and Eliza deserves the best life I can give her. I can’t do that dead, or in prison somewhere.”

“I see..well then, as a friend and your commander, I order you to take the rest of the week off, you’ve been working too hard and I need you alive. And the way things are going right now you’re not gonna survive long. Your cheeks are flushed, I'm afraid you'll wear yourself out.”

“Sir, I am fine honestly. This is nothing.”

“You’re not, go, that’s an order”

“Yes, sir,” as he exits George’s office, “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, son.”

Through the closed door, George hears, “Don’t call me son.” Despite it all, George laughs,

~~~~~~~~

Aaron knows something wrong with Alex because he hasn’t made one quip yet. It isn’t like Aaron hasn’t given opportunities to do so, he has given Alexander plenty of opportunities.

“Something is off with you.”

“Burr, nothing is off, nothing is wrong. Layoff.”

“See, you're being sarcastic. But not “Hamilton-sarcastic”, this isn't you. You're a smartass, not mean.”

“I hadn't noticed.”

“Alexander, what's wrong?”

“This is me talking less, isn't that you always tell me? I'm taking your advice, let's get back to work.”

Aaron huffs, “Sure.” The two of them are working on a case, and are currently putting together their notes.

“Great.” Something is off with Hamilton, and it's throwing Burr off. After an hour of note taking, Burr has had enough. This is driving him mad. He has to fix this.

“That's it, I can't work like this. Something is off with you. And I don't like it.”

“I didn't know you liked anything Burr. That doesn't seem like you.”

“See? That's what I'm talking about. You're not mean! A smartass, sure, but not mean!”

“It doesn't concern you.”

“We are working together. And we're friends, in a way.”

“We're friends?”

“Sure, I guess, in a way. Whatever that's not the point! Something is off!”

“Burr, please, I don't want to do this right now.”

Alexander Hamilton never says ‘please’, this is worse than Burr had originally thought. “So, you admit something is wrong?”

Alexander growls, “Yes, something is wrong, very very wrong. Okay?! Is that what you wanted?!”

“I guess. Just tell me what's wrong.”

“It's none of your business.”

“Right now it is. We're partners. Just tell me, Alexander.”

“No! Leave me alone. It isn't affecting my work, and that's where your business with me ends. I'm done and I'm leaving.” Alexander stands up and heads to the door. Burr can’t let this stand.

“Wait, Alexander,” Aaron says as he shoots up, he can’t leave Alexander like this, “get a drink with me?”

“Why? I thought you didn't like me. At least, that's how you act.”

“I never said I didn't like you. You're unlike anyone I've ever met anyone before. You were a shock to me, and I'm not good with new. It's not you, Alexander, I like you.”

Alexander stares at Burr for a moment, “Oh, why the hell not.”

They sit in a familiar seat in a familiar bar. Aaron watches as Alexander stares fondly at the old wooden and ghost dances behind his eyes. A sad sorta miserable look is etched into his face, this isn’t the Alexander that Burr loves to hate.

“Alexander…”

“Burr, I can’t.”

“Just a hint, you’re suffering and I like you enough to not like you suffering.”

“I’m fine, Burr, I promise.”

“If you say so, but if it gets any worse…”

“It won’t but if it does, I’ll tell you. I have to go, Eliza is waiting.”

“Goodbye Hamilton.”

“Have a good night, Burr, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Alexander. Feel better.”

A few weeks later, Alexander is at Burr’s door, “Can we confer sir?” He is asking Burr to join him in his attempts to defend the Constitution. Burr, in his ultimate wisdom, says no.

“I can’t stand you.”

“I know.”

“We won the war, what was it all for? Not everyone lived through the war, people died for the notion of the nation we now get to build. You disrespect their sacrifice by standing to the side.”

“People die, that’s what happens in a war.”

“Good men never deserve to die. Not with their whole lives in front of them. How dare you.” Alex is shaking, his fist balled up at his side. Burr has never seen him this angry before, and Alexander is a force that seems to survive mostly on rage alone.

“Alexander, calm down.”

“Do not tell me to calm down, you do not get to tell me to calm down. I will not. You disgust me. Why did they take him and not you? He wanted so much to help build this country and you don’t even care.” His face is flushed and his voice is high.

“Take who? Alexander breathe.”

“He's dead, Burr.”

“Who's dead?”

“We had plans, we were going to build this nation together. And he's dead. You don't get to act like it doesn’t matter, you lived. You lived and he didn't.”

“Alexander, who are you talking about?”

“It doesn't matter, not anymore, and certainly not to you. I will fight for the nation he hoped and died for, remember that Burr. I will not hesitate to crush you.”

As Alexander walks away, Burr is left wondering what the hell happened. Something deeper was going on, and Aaron feels out of the loop. Did he really deserve to be attacked like that?

It wasn’t till a week later that he learned that John Laurens was dead, and it wasn’t till after he shot Alexander did he learn that John was Alexander’s soulmate. It finally put everything into perspective. Alex had come to him grieving and asking for help. What would have happened if he had let him, and maybe talked to him? Could he have understood? Would things have ended they way they did?

~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Having a dream in the third person is really disorientating,” Alex says, rubbing his eyes. Someone has thrown a blanket over him and closed his laptop, thank the heavens for Lynna.

“You really shouldn’t fall asleep in the cafe,” Lynna replies from behind the counter, “it’s not a good habit. Go home! Sleep!”

“Taking a break is for the weak.”

“Or people who have been strong for too long. Here eat.” Suddenly, she is placing a sandwich in front of him, god he hadn’t realized how hungry he was. But...

“I’m not hungry,” his stomach groans in protest, “fine whatever.”

“That’s a good boy,” she says with a motherly pat on his head.

“I’m older than you.”

“And?” Her smile is bright and infectious. She has been more than generous, often letting Alex stay past closing to work in peace. She even closed early once so he wouldn’t be disturbed. There is a reason her customers call her mom. A bigger fellow comes in and dotes on her, she calls him "Fancy Pants". A lot of regulars have nicknames, Laf is "Francy Pants". Laf always flushes a deep red when she calls him that, Alex isn't totally sure why. When he questioned it all he got from the two of them is "When you're older." Laf isn't that much older than him, he is calling bullshit.

Alex takes a bit of his sandwich and is hit with a wave of anxiety, but it isn't his. His anxiety is different from this, that can only mean one thing, "John..."

Lynna looks at him, her brown eyes full of worry. But he can't be bothered with that right now, John needs him. He focuses all he can and send John reassuring thoughts, a mental hug or something. It was in a book he read about soulmates. He can feel John relax under the hug, but the feeling is suddenly cut off.

"Alexander, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. John, however, is another story. He is upset, I can feel it."

Lynna purses her lips, "I'm sorry. I understand what it's like to not be with your soulmate, and to not be able to help them."

Before he can ask what she means, anger washes over him. It causes him to flinch. John is pissed. A single sentence escapes him, "John is coming here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had like the single worst case of writer's block humanly possible, it was torture. Plus like it was my birthday, so...  
> But I'm pretty sure I'm over it. I had to start this chapter 7 times, and I still don't like it completely. Tell me what you think. 
> 
> ~I reread the chapter, again, still don't like it. *beats head on desk* Why is writing so hard??
> 
> Ooh, did anyone see what I did with the Fancy Pants/Francy Pants thing? I think that's my new ship name for them. haha ha


	9. Our Guardian Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherever the fates lead us let us follow ~ Herny David Thoreau

    It is in that moment, as reality shifts around him, that Alex starts to have a minor mental breakdown. “He cannot be coming here! I’m not ready!! I have been wearing this sweatshirt for three days! I can’t meet my soulmate in a sweater that I have been wearing for three days. Lynna. Help. Me. Please.”

   “Breathe,” Lynna starts, “I can’t understand you when you don’t breathe. Calm down.”

    Alex takes a few deep breaths, “Okay.”

   “Now, Alexander, what’s happening?”

    “John is coming here.”

    “And? Is that a bad thing?”

    “Yes!” Alex is standing up now, shoving his laptop in his bag. He is obviously in a hurry to leave. The blanket wrapped around him falls to the ground.

    “Why?” She reaches down and picks the blanket up before looking at him with a confusion etched into her face. Alexander is a puzzle that she just can’t seem to understand.

    “Because I’m not ready!” Alex is clearly worked up at this point, his hands are shaking so bad that he drops his bag.

    “Not ready? Alexander, this man is your soulmate. I hardly think it matters.”

    “It does to me. I need to be better before we met, I need to not be like this. John deserves better than this me.” The look on his face is so sincere that Lynna's demeanor changes.

   "Okay, come with me," she says, grabbing his hands and leading him to the back.

    "Where are we going?"

    "My apartment is upstairs, stay there until John leaves."

    "You live here?"

    "Questions later, hiding now. Up the stairs, hurry."

    Alexander hurries up the stairs, "Thank you."

    Lynna smiles up at him, then quickly shooed him upstairs. Alex hears the sound of the front chime when he enters the apartment. He exhales a deep breath as he settles down on the worn flower-patterned couch. John's rich voice floats up to him, and dear lord it sounds just like he remembers. Alexander wants nothing more than to go down there and be with him. Every fiber of his being wants to be down there, but he can't, not yet. He isn't ready. Tears well up in his eyes and then he buries himself in the throw pillows on the couch. Maybe some sleep will calm his aching heart.

    "I'm making the right decision," he repeats over and over till he falls asleep, trying to convince himself  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
     John enters the café, there is an obvious cloud of anger surrounding him. The front door slams behind him with a bang as he throws his bag onto the couch the Alex was sleeping on not too long ago. Lynna exits the back with a bright smile, "Well, hello there John. Don't you have a class tonight?"

      John growls, "My dad called..."

     Lynna's smile falls slightly, "The infamous Henry Laurens? What did he want?"

     "He all but ordered me to marry a woman, no actually he did order me. He said he is running for reelection soon and asked me to deny my soulmate. He threatened to cut me off."

     This time Lynna frowns, "What a heartless bastard."

      "I just can't Lynna, I can't deny myself to be his 'perfect' son anymore. What about my soulmate? I can't hurt him like that either. But I don't have a money or experience to get a job, I don't know what to do."

      Lynna motions to John to set at one of the barstools next to pastry display case. He complies, too angry and emotional drained to argue. Not that he could win an argument against Lynna anyway. The girl gets busy behind the counter, starting the machine and frosting a cupcake. John traces the turtles he drew on the bar, one if his ever so helpful procrastination habits. He really needed to break those.

     When he looks up again, she places a hot cup of fresh coffee and a moist red velvet cupcake in front of him. "Eat."

     "I don't have any money." Not any he could afford to send anyway.

     "Eat," she says firmly, her tone leaving very little room for arguments.

     "Okay, fine."

     Lynna nods, "I'll be back. Stay here and eat."

      John watches as Lynna walks into the back, she emerges with a paper. It is an application.

      "An application? What for?"

      "You mentioned a scholarship before, so I assume your schooling is covered?"

      "Well yeah...."

      "Then you just need money to live on. One of my employees left...because of family reasons, so I have an opening."

      "Oh, Lynna..."

      "And my apartment is a two bedroom so you can live with me till you get your feet.”

       "That's too much, I-I can't accept this."

       "John, you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy. Let me help you."

       "But..."

        "And I'm doing your soulmate a favor, so I'm actually helping two people Imagine all the good karma I am getting." Her grin is infectious, and it is the second best cure for a grumpy John. Alex would have been the best option, but John guesses it isn't the right time for them to meet.

      "Okay. I'll do it."

      "Most of the bills are paid through the store, but right now go to class. We'll work everything out tomorrow."

       John leans over the counter and hugs her, "You are an angel, Lynna Baker, an angel the world and I don't deserve."

      "Oh, that's not true, now shush. If you come back tonight, the front door will be locked, go around back. Here is a key."

      "Are you sure?"

      "Positive. Just go to class before you're late."

      "Okay, Mom, whatever you say," he teases.

      "Go you big ass. Go before I change my mind."

       He put his application in his messenger bag and grabs his cupcake, "Thanks, Lynna! See you later."

      "Good luck, John."

~_~_~_~_~_~  
      "Alex, Alex," Lynna tries to wake up the man currently napping on her couch.

      "Go away!"

       "Alexander Hamilton, get your butt up right now. We need to talk," she shakes him.

       "Okay, okay God I'm up."

      "Good, now move so I can sit down on **_my_** couch."

       Alex moves very slowly, "What?"

      "First, your soulmate is the Precious Turtle Boy. That is ridiculous, you guys have been my two best customers for over two months and have been just missing each other the entire time. It's adorable. And to be honest, you two are perfect for each other." She is grinning like a manic fangirl.

      "Turtle Boy?'

      "John is an amazing artist. Those turtle on my bar, those were him one night when he came in to study."

        His eyes grew wide, "No shit. That is amazing. He's been here the entire time. I have traced those turtles more times than I can count."

       "Your boy is very talented. He is PreMed, very smart, the sweetest person you'll ever meet."

       "He always wanted to be a doctor, before." Alexander smiles fondly, remembering the good times they had together before.

       "You told me. Something else happened though. I need to tell you, it's important."

       "What? Is something wrong?" Worry settles on his face.

        Her grin fades, "His dad..."

       "Henry? That man was always a prick, the way he treated John made my blood boil. Still does to this day."

       "Henry..um..told John that if he didn't deny you and marry a woman that he'd cut him off."

        Alex's hand forms a fist, but Lynna puts her hand on top of his. "I offered him a job and a place to stay, I know you don't want to meet him yet, but he'll be safe. He has mostly night classes so you can still come in, I'll even give you a schedule so you can avoid him until you're ready."

        Alex smiles, "You are such a sweetheart. I don't know how to thank you."

       "Don't. I'm doing this because you two deserve to be happy. That's all."

       "You're too sweet. Do you know when he'll be back?"

       "No, but not till later. Come down, drink some coffee. We can talk a little before you go, come up with a game plan."

       "That sounds nice." He thinks that he and John are really lucky to have their own personal guardian angel. As they make their way downstairs Lynna makes the pained guilty sort of look, but it disappears as soon as her feet touch the ground floor. Her face is graced with her usually smile, and Alex is none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I was literally dying. Finals, SATs, ACTs, I am still dying but I finished this for you.
> 
> Lynna is literally my 'fandom personified character', but I actually have a story for her. I actually like it. Maybe you can guess what I have planned.
> 
> Oh and yeah they didn't meet and I'm sorry. But it will be worth it. Trust me.


	10. Philip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. and don't question it.

"Not only is Mr. Hamilton a moral travesty. His soulmate is a man. He is a disgrace."

There is a rush of shocked whispers spreading across the group of college students. One particular student turns red in anger. The girl besides him quietly pleads with him to leave well enough alone, but of course he can't. 

"Excuse me!," his lone voice rises above the crowd, "who are you to ruin a man's legacy without allowing him to be here to defend himself?"

George grins, "Alexander Hamilton is not a man, but a demon masquerading as one."

The boy, not yet 20, rushes the platform in where George is currently addressing the students, "That is my father you are talking about. I demand you refrain for commenting on him further." The boy's curly hair blowing angrily in the wind, even his freckles seem angry. The brown haired girl he was standing with follows him, standing off to the side with a worried look on her face.

"Oh yes, Philip, isn't it? I pity you for having such a horrid person as your father."

"I am Philip Hamilton, and I don't need your pity, I am a Hamilton with pride." His cheeks flush with anger, and for a brief second he looks exactly like someone who died so long ago, too long ago.

George snickers, which sends Philip in a deeper rage, "Pride and Hamilton do not belong in the same sentence."

"My father is a better man than you'll ever be," Philip spits, "He has done more for this country that you'll ever do."

The crowd gasps, everyone knows just how defensive Philip is of his father, everyone it seems but Mr. George Eacker. "Has he? All I see is scandal after scandal. Further proof that people like him shouldn't be allowed to hold office."

"What do you mean 'people like him'?"

"Bastards, of course. Sons of whores should not hold office."

Before Philip can throw the fist he has been forming, a girl grabs his arm, her brown eyes plead with him as she whispers, "Philip please don't, he isn't worth it."

Philip softens, looking at her, "Yeah, you're right. He isn't."

She smiles at him, and he returns the gesture before linking their fingers together. "Thank you."

"You let a girl tell you what to do? How pathetic. Just like a Hamilton." 

Philip tenses again, and the girl tries to pull him away from the situation, but, "Pathetic? She's my soulmate." 

"Her?," he gestures to her small frame, "Not much, is she? Oh and how I pity her. Hopefully she'll share the fate of Mr. Laurens rather than spend a lifetime linked to a Hamilton. That's a fate worse than death." She shrinks behind the Philip, whimpering slightly. 

"Don't you dare speak about her like that," Philip growls, "And don't you dare speak ill about John Laurens." Eacker flinches despite himself.

"Philip please, darling let's go please." Her voice has a desperate edge to it. "Philip please, I'm scared."

Philip's eyes soften at her words, but his pride has already taken hold, "I have to, go to my mother, okay? Tell her I'm sorry. I love you, okay?" 

She looks apprehensive but still nods, placing a quick kiss on his cheek, "I love you, too," and then runs off. Tears running down her face as she flees.

Philip watches her go, a sad look takes hold of him got a moment, before he turns to Mr. Eacker, face stern, "Saturday. Weehawken. Dawn. Unless you are willing to apologize for your words."

"I see no need to apologize. Nothing I said is wrong."

"Then we'll settle this like men, in a duel. Until then, good day Mr. Eacker." Philip walks away with his head held high, and a heart full of regret and remorse. But he accepts the consequences for his action and will take his fate with pride. 

Philip dies in his father’s arms a few days later, and his soulmate is too distraught to carry one. She refuses to leave his bed, and despite Alexander’s best attempts to bring her back to the land of the living, her grief consumes her and she dies not a month after Philip. 

Eliza holds Alex’s hand at the funeral, “It isn’t your fault, Dear.”

“Eliza, I let him duel, I let him go to his death and she died of grief. How is this not my fault?”

“Philip would have gone anyway, with or without your blessing. And she was sick, Alex, very sick. Had been since she was a child. You know that. You cannot blame yourself.”

“Eliza, she looked so much like my mother, when she was sick. I can’t help feeling guilty.” He turns his head downward in shame. He lost not one, but two people he loved deeply. He carries a long list of people who had died due to the curse that seems to follow him around.

“Listen to me, Fate is a fickle creature. We cannot possibly understand what she has planned. Things happen that we cannot control, but at least they are together. I take comfort knowing that our son has his love up there with him,” she moves his head up to face her, “I do not blame you, Alexander, and they would not either.”

“Eliza,” Alex smiles, “I do not deserve you. You are the best wife.”

Mrs. Hamilton smiles coyly, “Oh, I know.” For the first time since his son died, Alexander Hamilton smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know this took me a month to write and that it's short! And I'm sorry!!


End file.
